Day Seven; Markets, Beaches and Lonliness
Yesterday felt a little sad.
A little like I'm alone without my tribe of love.
I guess in many ways I am, but I chose this journey knowing I would be alone-that's part of what I seek. Everything is new and I get to be a blank canvas, empty vessel, with my heart open and vulnerable. I want to find out what I can fill my soul with and what I can share.
I miss my kids the most.
I miss my dance sisters, sister and niece.
But I know these are the people who love me wherever I am and that makes me feel not so alone.
Yet, it is still strange to start over-especially when there is a little bit of a cultural and language barrier-this I embrace more than I mind and it is completely worth the moments when I feel dumb for my sad Spanish. I should be better, I think, having lived in Spain and studied it in school but having moved to some of the least diverse places in the United States didn't afford me many opportunities to practice. Still, that's my own fault. Puerto Rico's cultural diversity is a welcome change and feels familiar. I feel more like myself here than I ever did in Montana.
My host/friend/mentor took me to the Thursday market and it was so charming! Another reminder of the kind of things I love. So much energy and color! Vendors travel from all over Puerto Rico to sell their wares at the Rincon Market. Because I make jewelry I wanted to see what everyone was doing and WOW I was impressed! Lots of wood carved pieces, shells and natural fibers. It was inspiring to see the different styles and materials used. So many talented artisans! I bought one coconut flavored cigar because that's really all I could afford but I would have bought a few more specialty items like honey and maybe a unique pair of earrings if I wasn't on a VERY STRICT budget. Women wore festive, colorful outfits and men took pride in their appearance.There was a spirit about it all and it was refreshing to see. I've always enjoyed dressing up to go places. I love being creative with my appearance but I think that got lost in Montana because winter is always so long and gray, you just end up blending in with the scenery. That's how I felt anyway. Which is one reason I love belly dance. I can get colorful, creative, passionate and beautiful with my appearance. I love being free that way.
Some people don't care. I get it. And some people manage to make anything look amazing regardless of the weather, I was not one of them. And yes, I care.
A disheveled man selling tinctures at his cart knew my host (she knew a lot of people) and offered her a special tincture shot out of his plastic bottle. She took it graciously, thanking him and I thought how sweet an exchange that was. I loved the freedom in their connection. Rincon seems like a place where everyone belongs somewhere. There's room for all kinds of people to share space. You don't have to BE any particular way or fit in any special mold. People come from everywhere.
I appreciate that. That's how I grew up.
We stopped in the doorway of a bar where a Salsa band was playing REAL SALSA and I was in heaven! MUSIC to dance to! OMG have I been starving or what???
I went back to my tree house room thinking how much I loved that little splash of color in the charming European style Plaza. I went to bed thinking how it IS important to have color in my life. It's important TO ME to dance, laugh, play and socialize. I crave a place where the streets smell like life and people are out just to be outside, to be a part of the community-feeding pigeons on benches or sharing espresso at an umbrella shaded sidewalk table.
Yes, I like that very much.
A little like I'm alone without my tribe of love.
I guess in many ways I am, but I chose this journey knowing I would be alone-that's part of what I seek. Everything is new and I get to be a blank canvas, empty vessel, with my heart open and vulnerable. I want to find out what I can fill my soul with and what I can share.
I miss my kids the most.
I miss my dance sisters, sister and niece.
But I know these are the people who love me wherever I am and that makes me feel not so alone.
Yet, it is still strange to start over-especially when there is a little bit of a cultural and language barrier-this I embrace more than I mind and it is completely worth the moments when I feel dumb for my sad Spanish. I should be better, I think, having lived in Spain and studied it in school but having moved to some of the least diverse places in the United States didn't afford me many opportunities to practice. Still, that's my own fault. Puerto Rico's cultural diversity is a welcome change and feels familiar. I feel more like myself here than I ever did in Montana.
My host/friend/mentor took me to the Thursday market and it was so charming! Another reminder of the kind of things I love. So much energy and color! Vendors travel from all over Puerto Rico to sell their wares at the Rincon Market. Because I make jewelry I wanted to see what everyone was doing and WOW I was impressed! Lots of wood carved pieces, shells and natural fibers. It was inspiring to see the different styles and materials used. So many talented artisans! I bought one coconut flavored cigar because that's really all I could afford but I would have bought a few more specialty items like honey and maybe a unique pair of earrings if I wasn't on a VERY STRICT budget. Women wore festive, colorful outfits and men took pride in their appearance.There was a spirit about it all and it was refreshing to see. I've always enjoyed dressing up to go places. I love being creative with my appearance but I think that got lost in Montana because winter is always so long and gray, you just end up blending in with the scenery. That's how I felt anyway. Which is one reason I love belly dance. I can get colorful, creative, passionate and beautiful with my appearance. I love being free that way.
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| Thursday night in Rincon, Puerto Rico |
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| Rincon's Artist Market-I was too busy gawking to take more pictures, but believe me, there's more. |
Some people don't care. I get it. And some people manage to make anything look amazing regardless of the weather, I was not one of them. And yes, I care.
A disheveled man selling tinctures at his cart knew my host (she knew a lot of people) and offered her a special tincture shot out of his plastic bottle. She took it graciously, thanking him and I thought how sweet an exchange that was. I loved the freedom in their connection. Rincon seems like a place where everyone belongs somewhere. There's room for all kinds of people to share space. You don't have to BE any particular way or fit in any special mold. People come from everywhere.
I appreciate that. That's how I grew up.
We stopped in the doorway of a bar where a Salsa band was playing REAL SALSA and I was in heaven! MUSIC to dance to! OMG have I been starving or what???
I went back to my tree house room thinking how much I loved that little splash of color in the charming European style Plaza. I went to bed thinking how it IS important to have color in my life. It's important TO ME to dance, laugh, play and socialize. I crave a place where the streets smell like life and people are out just to be outside, to be a part of the community-feeding pigeons on benches or sharing espresso at an umbrella shaded sidewalk table.
Yes, I like that very much.
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